Me and White Supremacy: Day 17 Journal Questions
I’m leading a group discussion circle on “Me and White Supremacy” by Layla F. Saad. I’m taking the journaling challenge daily throughout February even though I’m not white. If you happen to be white, why not take the challenge? If I can do it, you can do it too.
Day 17 Questions (from the text):
1. How have you justified your racism by using your proximity to BIPOC?
2. How have you tokenized BIPOC to prove your words, thoughts, or actions are not racist?
3. How have you tokenized and weaponized one BIPOC against another BIPOC?
4. If you are a business owner, how have you tokenized BIPOC or BIPOC culture in your brand?
5. If you believe you have never tokenized BIPOC, how have you stayed silent when you saw it happening?
6. When you have lauded organizations or events for being diverse because they appear to have a few BIPOC, how much further have you looked into their actual practices and policies toward BIPOC? How have you mistaken the look of diversity for actual inclusivity and equity?
In week 3 we’ve reached the section on allyship. As this section by definition cannot apply to me personally, I will share some observations that may be helpful for my allies and would-be allies.
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How do you know you are the token Black friend?
When i was about 13, I had a friend whose mom liked to decorate their house with vintage items. One afternoon, we were in his living room playing Nintendo. His mom walked in, and upon seeing me, awkwardly asked me whether I was offended by a small statue she had placed on the floor in the corner of the room near the front door. I looked over and noticed for the first time the new addition to her collection — a small statue of a dark-skinned Black boy, with the typically minstrel-like, caricatured big crimson lips and wide white eyes.
Immediately I was acutely self-conscious. I felt put on the spot to say the least, but also recall from my previous entries how I didn’t really sit well with folks drawing attention to my blackness, regardless of the reason. Based on her tone, her timing, and just the way the question was posed, my Spider-sense told me three things in that instant:
- She was asking me, because I was the only black person who was ever going to see it sitting there.
- She felt bad because on some level she knew displaying this was wrong, but only if it had the potential to offend someone.
- Not only was I only thirteen years old, but I also happened to have had a vested interest in being able to visit the house to spend time with my friend. As such, I wasn’t likely to want to do or say anything to jeopardize that, even when asked.
- She wasn’t expecting me to be there that day, and upon entering the room felt an obligation to say something.
- She was attempting to use my opinion (or lack thereof) to justify her decision to place it there.
- It’s entirely possible she forgot that her son had a Black friend at all until that moment.
- No matter what my answer was, she was most likely not going to do anything about it being there.
Keep in mind, the statue was already in place, arranged purposefully among the other decorations. Had she genuinely been concerned about my feelings, she would probably have thought to ask me about it before arranging it among the other decorations.
If this same scenario were to happen today I would not hesitate to take offense and speak my mind, but thirteen-year-old me was a lot more timid. I honestly didn’t feel offended, I just felt weird and a bit displaced. So I didn’t say then what I would definitely say today — in so many words, to take that mess away. And thus, my tacit approval gave her the ok to keep it there, and with a clear conscience no less. I was her get-out-of-racist-behavior-free card.
Keep in mind, she had an opportunity that she missed to disrupt a harmful stereotype. Not just for me, but for her own family, or anyone else that might see it.
And herein likes the problem with tokenism. Asking your kid’s one Black friend whether you have a pass to perform behavior you know on some level is racist and might offend him, stops short of asking — what impact does this have on my kids? Even if he’s the only Black person to ever see this racist statue, what if someone else visiting sees it and is offended even though they aren’t Black? What does it say about me, my family, and the company I choose to keep if no one else but my kid’s Black friend has the potential to be offended by this?
Tokenism stops us short of the finish line of actually altering our behavior in meaningful ways that can have a lasting positive impact.
Kidding of course — improving your behavior doesn’t have a finish line.
